Todays listening - '13 Angels On My Broken Windowsill' - BT
August 23rd, half past midnight. Head's like the inside of the Matrix. All I'm seeing is streaming lines of code and bleached out colours searing the back of my skull, etched in as if by some kind of industrial lathe.
I'm tired. But today, has been a good day.
A friend's birthday. A kiss on the arse from the bank. Nice food. Yeah, a good day.
So why so jaded? Well - this promotional lark is draining. I've never been one to talk about myself (there are members of my family who don't know that I have an album coming out - they really should by now. It's on the to-do list, honest) so a constant barricade of mememeness is rinsing me out like a hot flannel.
I know given the nature of what I do, that this is an essential routine. What's the point of making music if no one hears it? But I honestly don't know how pluggers/publicists/promoters don't get the urge to saw their own heads off daily. I guess I must be doing it wrong. It's monotonous, boring, slightly humiliating and ultimately, provides little return for the input (I'm guessing.) Now I'm sure there's a right way and a wrong way to do self-promotion, but sheesh - does it HAVE to be so rigid?
The answer is yes.
We live in a world where talking to people is just not de rigeur any more. Everything is wireless - intangible like air and transmitted across networks that don't just span your street, or town - but the world. Logistically, it's a nightmarish situation. Especially for someone as disorganised and lazy as me. So, parading I go, album in hand, across the world wide web tapping timorously on doors I'm not even sure I should be tapping at. It's the classic case of 'throw enough shit at the wall and hope some of it sticks.'
But, hey ho. It's a learning curve right? Positively speaking, this grind on the numbers has worked a little magic, in a lot of ways - and cumulatively, that adds up to a lot. My track got played on national radio - that's a result by any stretch. How the fuck did that happen? Don't question it. Lap it up and milk it. It's also traded me with a little more perspective musically. I haven't so much as TRIED to write any music or be creative since the beginning of July, and it's a really eye opener realising how much time I ploughed into this album, now that it's finished. Freed from the murk of the creative haze I can clearly see what coming AFTER 'Night Stories' - some of which may surprise you sonically.
This self-inflicted hiatus from the music making has made me realise it's not the be all and end all, but to my defintion as a person, a human being - it's pretty much essential and can't be overlooked. Music will always be there, it's not just a whimsy. Will it be the main focus for always? Who knows. For now, yes.
There is life after music.
There is no life without it.
'Night Stories' - September 10th. Be there or be square.